Hello World,
What happened again? It happened. I let myself get into another shitty situation where the guy warned me upfront that he wanted nothing with me and yet i let myself that it’d be fine and i wouldn’t catch feelings. What ended up happening? He treated me better than any boyfriend or other person I had dated. He was sweet, affectionate, always texted, and made plans in advance. Yet as the weeks went on and I think he started to realize I was starting to like him, he started pulling away.
One weekend, a miscommunication, a lost phone, and I had reached my wits end. I was worried sick. I vowed that weekend to end it. I knew it was no longer the arrangement we had agreed to and i knew that if i asked him for something a bit more formal he would say no. And i also knew that he would let it keep going and one day i’d blow up on him and it would be an even messier mess than it needed to be.
Also, this guy and i work together, were super good friends, he was a month out of an 11 year relationship too, and we sit two feet from each other at work.
So all of the red flags abounded and yet i continued to ignore them. i went with it because he made me feel wanted and you guys know that i have terrible dating experiences and keep getting hurt. I take full responsibility for entering something that was not a good idea. So it was up to me to get out it.
It sucked. It’s been 4 days and it still sucks. I go through bouts of crying and not crying and then i’m fine. And i think the hardest part is knowing that this guy is so charming and likable that he will move on super fast and i’ll be left worse off than where i was. That’s so petty but it’s true. I am ready to find the love of my life. I am losing hope though.
I’m glad it’s over because at least my feelings of worry and anxiety are due to me. I ended it. Yes it sucks now but i know i’m saving myself a lot of worry. those are rational words but that doesn’t mean that i’m not a crying ass mess full of anxiety.
-SVW
SiliconValleyWoes 