Hello world —
Yesterday was my last day of work. Today is my first day of unemployment. It’s one of those surreal things where I’m still kind of in denial that i quit my job. It feels weird to not be stressed. It feels weird to know that I have absolutely zero things that tie me down. I just sent my rent check for my last month in the city and I went grocery shopping.
Today begins the last 25 days of being a silicon valley person. Today i continue with my farewells and goodbyes. Today i let go of the fear i still have and embrace the unknown.
There are so many mixed emotions.
To be continued.
I guess this blog will have to change in about 4-5 months because this gal is moving! Why you ask? Well after 9 glorious years in the bay area i finally realized that i’m wasting my time here. I wouldn’t call the past 9 years wasted, after all 4 of them gave me a college degree but in the past 5 years i’ve done the whole young, dumb and wild thing. I now realize that I want to be closer to home and closer to the place where I’d like to settle down roots. Please don’t take that to mean that i want to settle down because I honestly am not ready. Heartbreak after heartbreak, deception after deception I’ve realized that I’ve kinda been there done that with SF. I have dated every guy imaginable from your startup co-founders, to your engineers, researchers, bartenders, finance guys, consultants; you name it I’ve gone on a date with it. It’s all been great and i’ve learned soooooo much more than I care to know but for now i feel like i want to go try all of this out in my city. Im such a midwestern girl and i’ll never be anything else. I want to live in a city where being punctual is valued!!! You have no idea how much of a deal breaker that is for me -_-
So when am I leaving? The plan is to leave in July. I’m going to start a Bay Area Bucket List and start checking off the things that you HAVE to do before you leave a city like SF. I hope to document this journey a bit better and hope you’ll join me for the ride!
In the mean time i do have to figure out some logistics — like a job and place to live but i feel like the hard part has been done; me deciding to go was the hardest decision i’ve made in a long, long time. I’m going to miss the life i’ve set up here and the routines that i have. I’m going to miss my friends and the comfort of knowing that i’m surrounded by SO many people from different phases of my past 9 years. I’m going to miss my tiny apartment (nostalgically i imagine), and i’m going to miss the vibrant strangers and bustling energy that this city offers; the boundless idea that the next big thing is in our minds and ready to be created. Who knows – maybe i’ll come running back (doubtful) but the door will always be open.
I love you San Francisco; this is the only break up where I know that I want to stay friends!
Turns out that I’m the worst blogger in the world and the kind of person that literally lets months and months get away from me! I’ve got some life updates to share that will inform the next few blog posts so bare wtih me. It’s also fitting that the end of the year is upon us and it’s a good time to reflect on the year that has passed and how the year has changed us for better or worse.
Here are a few highlights to catch you all up:
- I broke up with the guy who inspired the previous dating and DTR posts
- It was amicable and needed and i instantly became so much happier
- I became vegan for a month
- September was a very, very long month
- I got all four wisdom teeth removed
- I have a lovely story about how the anesthesia wouldn’t take (ask me later about that)
- I got a new job! Now I work in the heart of SF – Union Square 🙂
- This cuts down my commute to 17 minutes by foot
- I ran a terrible half marathon and 10 mile race
- i’ve let my exercise habits go down the drain (the new year will, like always, be a year of fitness)
- I started dating a lovely guy whom i thought would last slightly longer than the others only to again, not last, and leave me wondering what the hell is wrong with me
- I got a tattoo!!!! If you know me IRL you know how big of a freakin deal this is
- I officially finished paying off all of my debt
- This includes student loans and credit cards
That about sums up the past five months that I have been away. In hindsight, a lot more than I thought happened to me. All of these things are pretty life altering and memorable and I’m glad to be writing them down.
More to come!
I’m sure you’re all familiar with the concept of feelings. Merriam Webster defines a feeling as an emotional state or reaction. Everyone experiences feelings differently and depending on your family, your upbringing and your culture you learn to express them in different ways.
Now I’m not a big believer in astrology but I do on occasion turn to my horoscope to see what fun tidbits I self prophetize into my life. I’m a cancer and we’re known to be super sensitive creatures with a lot of feelings. I generally agree with this but I was also raised to believe that showing emotion is a sign of weakness and am not very comfortable expressing my own feelings or putting myself in such a state of vulnerability.
The past couple of months have been unique for me for several reasons and have thrown my normally static emotional state into a bit of a frenzy. My poor friends and roommates have heard bits and pieces of this and have witnessed the craziness that has ensued from me trying to deal with this.
Here is a list of all of the things that have caused me to either act/be crazy.
- Dubious medical results that could have ended in the diagnoses of cancer. While unlikely it still threw me into a nervous, paranoid and freaked out mode for the month between appointments and finding out!
- I’M OKAY I DO NOT HAVE ANY AILMENTS 🙂
- Along the same wavelength we had a friend of the family pass away from cancer right when I had received said dubious news and family conversations centered around nothing but death and cancer related deaths.
- I didn’t tell my family about my state of affairs so of course they didn’t know how much hearing about such tragedy was affecting me.
- I was traveling and taking time off of work. I was very stressed out about the amount of work I had to finish before being able to leave! I was not pleasant to be around on my last day before taking off for a week.
- I was visiting my family for an entire week and while I love my family more than I can accurately describe I can no longer live at home for that long with out going a bit stir crazy. Emotions run high after 3 days of being back home.
- I’m in a dubious dating situation. I’ve been seeing the same guy (more to come in later posts about that) for over 3 months now and as the perpetually single person in my friend group I don’t know what the hell i’m doing nor how to feel about this stage of dating.
- Then there’s my job. I love so many things about my job but one of them is not the career change that has made me an entry level employee at a time where I should be further along in my career. I’m constantly annoyed by watching those who have less work experience do things that I’m more competent at but because of my title/position it’s no longer my place to do these things.
- I also briefly had a roommate who had just moved in tell me that she was moving out and had to find another one – no bueno on the stress levels.
All of the above coupled with the tiny minutia that occur in day to day life caused me to be an emotional wreck that did stupid shit. I acted out, was immature, did things I regret and was your typical 20-something that doesn’t know how to handle themselves.
Right now, it’s my birthday month and that has caused the usual reflection that comes with aging and getting older. I feel in a much better place than right now than I have the last couple of months because I’ve come to accept that life is short and I should never be stressed over things that I cannot control. If I get dumped it’s not the end of the world and if I need to jump on craigslist to find a new roommate – not a big deal. I guess sometimes you need a reminder that life can take you in very different directions and you shouldn’t fixate on a specific ideal because the best things in life are sometimes the ones you do not plan!
This is not the post I was going to write but it is the post that needs to be written. My long time roommate moved out this past January and in her place we found a pretty cool person to replace her. As of last night she informed me that she is moving out! Now, I need a new roommate.
So I never published this post but alas I have updates.
- We found a roommate that same weekend at the end of April and she just moved in two weeks ago!
- She is super chill and we’ve gotten along pretty well!
- I still wish I lived alone, but having roommates keeps my grandma ways in check.
Alas, our palace is filled and life continues!
Last we spoke (six months ago -_-), I mentioned that I had just accepted a new position! Turns out it has been one of the best decisions I could have ever made. I absolutely love what I do. I could have done with not having to start at the bottom of the totem pole, but alas it keeps my ego in check.
I work for a public relations agency that specializes in enterprise technology. It’s a wonderful combination of extremely nerdy, techy subjects and the fuzzy writing, strategy and brainstorming that I enjoy. I think it suits me very well and I’m happy to report that I have zero inkling of ever wanting to do anything else 🙂 I will admit that I’ve let my life become all about my JOB. I talk about it incessantly, and yes, it’s annoying.
I’ve let this new job consume my life for a few reasons:
- It’s a bitch of a commute so I feel like I have little time to do fun things during the week
- It’s easier to say you have work to do than put in the effort to see friends
- I suck at dating and am tired of meeting the same kind of guy over and over again
- Disclaimer: I know not all men are like this, but most are so noncommittal and aloof that I literally can’t even.
- yes, “literally can’t even” is a phrase that I use in all seriousness
- I am lazy
After a few months of getting into the groove of work and over the hump of the holidays (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years) I decided to be more social. I’ve been actively accepting all invites to hangout with friends and have even made some great new friends at work. AND I decided to hop back into the dating game with two feet. This is San Francisco, so of course I signed up for some dating apps. Let’s not get crazy and actually meet people IRL, who does that anymore?
Next post: More On Dating!