So it turns out that sometimes when you go out on one date it can lead to another and another and another. Apparently this is called dating. Now I’m not very familiar with this version of dating so please bear with me as I try to explain and learn in the process.
So dating as I know it consists of going on dates with different people. Typically you meet someone (in person or via app) and seem to think “they don’t look like serial killers” and you organize an outing. In San Francisco this usually involves meeting in a public place for drinks. After that, if you both tolerated each other and/or had a good time you plan a second date and that usually involves an actual meal. After that I normally go back to step one. That is the kind of dating that I’m familiar with. It involves dates, but there’s also a lot of scouting and vetting that goes on.
Most recently this past April I matched with a guy on a dating app and didn’t think much of it. Truth is, while I may get (what I consider) a lot of matches I usually have a terrible response rate. I purposefully took myself off of the Bumble market because not one person that I messaged responded to me! Yes that’s embarrassing, yes I probably should’ve kept that to myself.
[This is the part where the story starts to get really long and drawn out and I provide more details than necessary]
Anyways, this guy messages me (I really wish I could remember what the first thing he said to me was, but given that the matches expire after 21 days we will never know!) Friendly chit chat ensues and after several rescheduling attempts we decide to meet for drinks on a Thursday. Drinks somehow turned into meeting for dinner and overall it was a good date. I wouldn’t say great because although the conversation flowed there were some instances of awkwardness at least on my behalf. I’m just awkward and painfully self aware of everything I do in the moment that I’m doing it, which can sometimes be a problem. Luckily there was a couple next to us that was having a date that seemed to be exponentially less good than ours and I think that helped us feel better about ourselves. (Seriously guys, this other date was BAD. They spent a majority of the date talking about the names of the dishes -_- And yes, I was eavesdropping because I couldn’t pass up this gem of a date.) Alas, date ends, check comes (he paid, despite my card in hand and offer to split) and he says “I’ll get this one because I picked the place. You can get the next one.” Lyfts are called, (I EXCLUSIVELY only use Lyft. Don’t get me started on why I don’t use Uber. Please don’t, you’ll regret asking me.) cordial hugs are exchanged and we are both on our way.
Post date thoughts:
- I should have had a drink before we met up.
- I have a pre-date routine of sipping on a drink while I get ready, but I was coming straight from work and a meeting with a group that I volunteer with. The drink is absolutely a placebo to calm me down and ease my anxiety of the potential awkwardness that the date can be.
- I was quite unsure of whether I felt “sparks” or thought we had “chemistry” but I’m a big believer in giving good dates a second date because I don’t think you can tell on a first date whether you’re compatible with someone and deep down (not that deep down) I’m a helpless romantic that believes in the process.
- [SIDE STORY] I actually used a Lyft Line to get home that night and felt like I really hit it off with the guy I was sharing the ride home with. He was super charming and handsome and asked me for my number. He disclosed that’d he’d be out of town that weekend but would love to grab coffee the following week. I gave him my number but because I have a bit of control issues I told him that I’d be the one to text him to hang out. I never did, mostly because I hate the thought of dating multiple people at the same time. I like to exhaust one possibility and then move on. I feel like it’s unfair to the person if you don’t give them your full attention even if you only ever go on two dates. Different strokes for different folks (I know plenty of people who stack up dates and that works for them but that just doesn’t sit well with my conscience)
- I was impressed with this guy’s level of confidence and attentiveness.
- I appreciated being treated to dinner. While I am the type that always, always, always offers to split the bill on the first date (and I mean it, I’m not just ruffling in my purse — I don’t play those games) there was something alluring about how this felt like a real date you see on sitcoms and/or romcoms.
There is obviously more to this story but I will end this already long post with a quote from a random dude on twitter @sgrstk “Don’t wait for someone to text you first. Dating is like sharing nachos: If you see a chip you want, fucking take it. Or somebody else will.”
To be continued…